hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
