what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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