omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
