just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
