I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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