Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
