I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
