i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
