I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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