you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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