oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
