I love black thongs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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