Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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