in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
