the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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