You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
