Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
