Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
