also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
