No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize