haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
