you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
