dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you will always have a special place in my vag
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
