You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
