I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
