In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
