I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
