go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
