I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
