i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
