so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
