God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
