Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
