Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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