Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love you. Go after that dick
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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