I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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