The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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