Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
