I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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