i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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