I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner