We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again