ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it