kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.