So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
