so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I had to cum in my sink.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
