you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
