Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
