During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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