i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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