i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
