It's Friday. Sex?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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