Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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