I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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