we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
