I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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