you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
