he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
