I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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