I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
