If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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