dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
