It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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