i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
