apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize