My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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