After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
