is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
