it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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